Rachel Lauren met with photographic model, Rebecca Magson, from County Durham to talk about modelling, the size zero debate and Rebecca’s appearance on Wedding Tv’s Brides on a Bus programme.
Being a photographic model, Rebecca works on sets rather than be in fashion shows. Her assignments are predominantly for lingerie.
Q. What made you decide to be a model?
A. Growing up I dreamt about being a model, despite being bullied at school for how I looked. I think it was my way of secretly standing up for myself; as long as I knew who I was nothing else mattered. It was only in the last few years that I had the courage to admit I really wanted to model as an adult. I went along to a casting I’d seen advertised and it went from there.
Q. How did you find a suitable agency who was willing to represent your work?
A. Those lucky enough will get scouted, but finding an agency yourself is hard work. It took me quite a while approaching agencies who wanted my look. Putting in the effort and getting yourself some great photos really helps demonstrate your ability and shows your commitment.
I thought a bit of publicity wouldn’t do my career any harm and it’s got me published in some top newspapers and magazines, including Heat magazine and the Daily Star.
Q. What was it like being on Brides on a Bus?
A. Brides on a Bus was a one off crazy experience for me. I was away for 10 days with nine other girls fighting to win a wedding, stuck with David Van Day, with contact with our fiancés, family and friends banned. We traveled from Lands End on a red double decker bus completing tasks as we stopped off at destinations going up the UK. My favourite competition was off-roading in a Landrover, I had so much fun doing that. I was glad to finally come off the show though, it was tiring and draining being filmed constantly and doing activities and I was ready to get back home to Sean, my fiancé.
Q. Who were you approached by to do the programme?
A. I saw an advert by chance to apply for the new series. I thought it looked like random fun and the chance of getting married for free was attractive, so I decided to go for it. When the other participants had to go for castings, the producers personally came to see me and offered my position on the spot, so my application must have been persuasive! I thought a bit of publicity wouldn’t do my career any harm and it’s got me published in some top newspapers and magazines, including Heat magazine and the Daily Star.
Q. What is your favourite aspect of modelling?
A. It’s hard to pick just one! I love clothes so I get to wear lots of gorgeous outfits and lingerie which is great. On a non-materialistic level, modeling makes me feel confident in myself and I enjoy the freedom to express myself on camera. Waiting to see the final image is the exciting bit and seeing it in print is the icing on the cake.
Q. What has been your favourite shoot?
A. I’ve enjoyed so many shoots. I think one shoot that I personally treasure was one which was submitted to PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) where I got to model with my rabbit, Bobby and one of my guinea pigs, Beans. It was really fun and the resulting images are amazing. Beans sadly died last month so the photos mean so much more to me now.
I’m also a big animal lover, and my fiancé and I currently have five guinea pigs and a rabbit.
Q. What are your views on the size zero debate in the fashion world?
A. Ridiculously small sizes such as the American size zero are so abnormally thin it should be banned in the modeling industry. It’s accepted that models should be slender for modeling fashion because the clothing falls better on the slim figure, and a size 8-10 is okay. Anything smaller and it’s beyond a natural woman’s shape; it’s fatally unhealthy which is just wrong to sugar up.
Q. What do you think are the differences between hair modelling and fashion modelling?
A. Hair modelling and fashion modelling is closely linked because of the beauty industry, however the requirements for both are differing. For hair modelling it is predominantly important to have fabulously conditioned hair and great facial structure to show off the design. Fashion modelling is more about the model’s figure, and in many instances are not the pretty faces you see in beauty, because the clothing is the most important aspect.
Q. What are your interests outside of modelling?
A. When I’m not modelling I’m preparing for it! I love reading the glossy fashion magazines for inspiration and tips and shopping is a great excuse for my job and for the retail therapy. I do love a laid back lifestyle though, living in the country is the best stress reliever, going for random walks and just taking in the scenery. I’m also a big animal lover, and my fiancé and I currently have five guinea pigs and a rabbit.
Q. Do you have advice for anyone wanting to be a model?
A. If you’re serious about modelling being your career, you have to make it a lifestyle choice too. The way you live and look after yourself reflects in your attitude to your work and the work you get. A strict beauty regime is the biggest positive impact you can make on your looks; the cleanse-tone-moisturise twice a day mantra really does work! Also eat as healthily as you can, get out for a walk everyday or work out, and put your money where your mouth is. Look after yourself and show those in the industry what you’ve got and sell it.
Thursday 10 June 2010
Tuesday 27 April 2010
Faith no more?
Anyone a fan of Faith shoes? I'm guessing the majority of you have said yes. However, time is running out for the company unless a buyer is found soon.The company went into administration on Wednesday night, after totalling up £14 million debt. As a sales assistant at Faith, I experienced first hand how irrelevant the staff are to big businesses. As always we were the last to find out; even my father had read it in the paper before me!
And we are still none the wiser of what is going on except for we now have zillions of posters around the store, screaming out "Store closing down. Everything must go!"
For me and my colleagues, it is not just the thought of losing our jobs that makes us sad, but the fact that we won't be a faithlet anymore. We are really close friends even though it is a dozen girls working together!
What has surprised me is the different reactions from people. Some can't believe it and say they are gutted that they can't buy Faith shoes anymore. A lot of people, especially in other shops, give us sympathy looks or little smirks because they are still secure in their jobs. Other people are complaining that there isn't enough discount and one blogger has said that Faith deserves it because their shoes were too expensive!
Why is everyone against each other in the fashion industry? In bleak times like these shouldn't we be supporting each other?
And we are still none the wiser of what is going on except for we now have zillions of posters around the store, screaming out "Store closing down. Everything must go!"
For me and my colleagues, it is not just the thought of losing our jobs that makes us sad, but the fact that we won't be a faithlet anymore. We are really close friends even though it is a dozen girls working together!
What has surprised me is the different reactions from people. Some can't believe it and say they are gutted that they can't buy Faith shoes anymore. A lot of people, especially in other shops, give us sympathy looks or little smirks because they are still secure in their jobs. Other people are complaining that there isn't enough discount and one blogger has said that Faith deserves it because their shoes were too expensive!
Why is everyone against each other in the fashion industry? In bleak times like these shouldn't we be supporting each other?
Tuesday 20 April 2010
Amazing trip to Rome
I’ll let you in to a little secret – I adore travelling. In fact, if I had the time and money I would go away every month and one day I will travel the world.
I have been travelling since I was three, either with family, friends or on my own. The most adventurous place I have been to on my own is New Zealand. The first time I went was three years ago to visit a friend I used to work with. I hadn’t known him very long and most of our friendship was built up on msn conversations and emails. However, he invited me to go and I had always wanted to go to New Zealand. As my brother said quite rightly, “never invite my mother and sister anywhere as they will turn up on your doorstep!”
I just love experiencing different cultures, learning a bit of their language, seeing the history and trying new things.
I want to write about travelling from a unique perspective and to begin; I want to tell you about my visit to Rome over the Easter holidays.
Having a rather generous mother, who seems determined to spend her pension as fast as she receives it, I was whisked off to Rome as soon as the holidays started.
My initial reaction, I’ll admit, wasn’t a great one. Walking in the dark, trying to find our hotel and lugging our luggage around didn’t feel glamorous, in fact it was scary. However, once we reached a brighter, more populated part I started to see the attraction, especially at the little street our hotel was on. Full of cute houses with balconies, I had my first thought of wanting to live in Rome.
Our hotel, l’Espana, was gorgeous. Black and white drawings of Rome featured up the staircase and the staff were friendly. I loved saying Bionguorno every morning!
Nothing compares to Italy. Having already been to Tuscany, I knew that you could just be walking along and just around the corner is a beautiful monument. The same happens in Rome. Walking down a busy main road, I was greeted with my first view of the Colosseum. It is bigger than I imagined and part of every day life as cars, buses and trams hurtle past it.
My mam marched me past the Colosseum though, much to my dismay, saying it is better to begin in the Forum. She is right by the way. There were hardly any queues so we were able to buy our Roma pass easily. Then when it was time to finally go to the Colosseum, we were like VIP and went straight to the front, past a queue of at least 100 tourists.
The Forum was worth it too. Full of ancient Roman buildings and pillars, it also has an Arc, which the Arc de Triomphe in France is modelled on. We also went up a set of stairs, which my mam never got a chance to go up when she went with my Dad – as a smoker; he’s not in the best health, unfortunately. There were amazing views and my Mam pointed out a white building, which is a whole monument to an unknown soldier. Imagine being that important! My mam also told me that the Romans hate this building and refer to it as “The Wedding Cake” (more on this later).
We went to a little museum at the Forum with various statues and pottery. I was amazed at the quality the statues had been kept in. We also wandered around the gardens before heading to the Colosseum. Inside the Colosseum you really can imagine what it must have been like in the days of gladiators fighting tigers and bears. I imagine the atmosphere would be like that in a football stadium today.
Next we walked down the main road, seeing more Dumos and statues, including one of Caesar. I took so many pictures on that first day, as I just loved how many beautiful buildings we came across. We were also lucky that the weather was warm and sunny.
We headed towards the Wedding Cake and you can see why it’s called this. It has many staircases and tiers, each adorned with statues. Next we walked to the Trevvi Fountain. Although places look far apart on the map, they are in fact in close distance to each other and I really recommend walking to places. Firstly you see more of Rome and you pick up the atmosphere. Drivers are crazy in Rome though and being shy about crossing the road won’t get you anywhere. As the famous saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”, you really do need to copy the Romans and just brave crossing the road, in order for the cars to stop for you!
The Trevvi Fountain again is an amazing piece of architecture. There are statues within the actual fountain as well as on the building behind. I managed to get right next to the Fountain, in order to throw my three coins over my shoulder. For some reason, this is what you do in Rome to make sure you come back again.
Next we walked to the Spanish Steps, that really is just a grand staircase but where everybody, including young Italians hang out.
Tip: stay at the Trevvi for some ice cream, it’s amazing! I had one every day.
Our next day consisted of a trip to Villa Borghese. This is in the grounds of the Medusa family and is full of incredible marble statues. Artists were so talented then, I honestly have no idea how they created such masterpieces. My Mam’s favourite is Apollo and Daphne and it’s not hard to fall in love with it yourself. The legend is that Daphne was running away from Apollo whom she had no feelings for. In order to escape him, she asked her father to turn her into a tree. The statue is of the beginning of the transformation – Daphne’s fingers are turning into branches and her stomach is already made of bark.
We wandered round the grounds, heading towards Pizza del Popolo. Again this had three huge fountains and statues. Next we headed to the Pantheon, which unfortunately was half in scaffolding. You still see the impact it has and inside it is completely unique, with the opening in the roof for when it rains. The raindrops are said to look like glitter but it never rained heavily enough for us to witness this.
We stopped at my father’s favourite coffee shop, which was an experience in itself. Italians don’t linger over their coffee; you stand at the bar and drink it.
I also got a chance to go shopping this day, although not to the designer shops I saw near the Spanish Steps! I loved seeing different shops, as although an avid shopper, I do hate seeing the same things all the time.
I was sad that it soon became our last day but what a day! Arriving at the Vatican, we heard people cheering and I said to my Mam, “The Pope’s here.” She told me not to be ridiculous but I was proven to be right! We managed to get seats in the second section and out he came in his Pope mobile to greet everyone! Although we are not religious, it was an experience we’d never have again so we stayed for the full service, which was read in Italian, English, French, Spanish, German and Polish. In a way it was like being at a concert. Each archbishop called out names of groups that were there and the people would stand up and cheer! There was even a German band and some Spanish girls who kept jumping up, shouting out “Il papa!” every five seconds. It was a surreal experience.
Next we wandered past the Castle and on to Piazza del Novio, once again with spectacular buildings, fountains and statues. We went to look for a restaurant, as I desperately wanted to sit outside, having lunch, as so many other people were doing. It just looked so relaxed. Just wandering through the back streets offered lovely sights and concreted my desire to live in Rome.
I was very sad to leave, especially having to return to South Shields. People in Italy are so fashionable and interesting, even the teenagers. Men waltz around in suits, not trackie bottoms like in England. Sigh, one day I will make it out of this country!
Another positive aspect of Rome is the compliments. If you need an ego boost, go there! Men appreciate women there; there are no dodgy chat-up lines. Plus having blonde hair and fair skin, I was part of the minority there. I was constantly told I was “bella” and even my Mam was called “bella mama” by the maitre d’ in the restaurant we went to every night! My mam noticed it more than me though, as I was oblivious in my own little world. She once saw a boy drag his father backwards by his coat to have a look at me! Another time, I was walking and realised she wasn’t with me. Turning back, she was talking to this man who I later found out was congratulating her on having a beautiful daughter!
My favourite bit though was our last night at the restaurant. A group of teenagers were in having a meal and two of the boys had bought roses. I’d commented to my Mam that I wondered which of the girls was going to be lucky to receive them. In fact, I was the lucky girl! It happened so quickly I didn’t get a chance to do anything but say “Grazie!” One of the boys came over with a rose, saying in Italian that it was for me because he thought I was beautiful. He returned once more to give me his friend’s rose and blew me a kiss! The whole restaurant was looking at me and outside the girls had gathered and were clapping and waving at me! The mother was crying and at first I thought it was because she didn’t get one but no she was just overwhelmed that they’d had the courage to do something so lovely and not want anything out of it. The whole experience has put me off British men even more so now!
So for now, Ciao! But soon I will make it to Rome – just as soon as I learn some Italian first!
I have been travelling since I was three, either with family, friends or on my own. The most adventurous place I have been to on my own is New Zealand. The first time I went was three years ago to visit a friend I used to work with. I hadn’t known him very long and most of our friendship was built up on msn conversations and emails. However, he invited me to go and I had always wanted to go to New Zealand. As my brother said quite rightly, “never invite my mother and sister anywhere as they will turn up on your doorstep!”
I just love experiencing different cultures, learning a bit of their language, seeing the history and trying new things.
I want to write about travelling from a unique perspective and to begin; I want to tell you about my visit to Rome over the Easter holidays.
Having a rather generous mother, who seems determined to spend her pension as fast as she receives it, I was whisked off to Rome as soon as the holidays started.
My initial reaction, I’ll admit, wasn’t a great one. Walking in the dark, trying to find our hotel and lugging our luggage around didn’t feel glamorous, in fact it was scary. However, once we reached a brighter, more populated part I started to see the attraction, especially at the little street our hotel was on. Full of cute houses with balconies, I had my first thought of wanting to live in Rome.
Our hotel, l’Espana, was gorgeous. Black and white drawings of Rome featured up the staircase and the staff were friendly. I loved saying Bionguorno every morning!
Nothing compares to Italy. Having already been to Tuscany, I knew that you could just be walking along and just around the corner is a beautiful monument. The same happens in Rome. Walking down a busy main road, I was greeted with my first view of the Colosseum. It is bigger than I imagined and part of every day life as cars, buses and trams hurtle past it.
My mam marched me past the Colosseum though, much to my dismay, saying it is better to begin in the Forum. She is right by the way. There were hardly any queues so we were able to buy our Roma pass easily. Then when it was time to finally go to the Colosseum, we were like VIP and went straight to the front, past a queue of at least 100 tourists.
The Forum was worth it too. Full of ancient Roman buildings and pillars, it also has an Arc, which the Arc de Triomphe in France is modelled on. We also went up a set of stairs, which my mam never got a chance to go up when she went with my Dad – as a smoker; he’s not in the best health, unfortunately. There were amazing views and my Mam pointed out a white building, which is a whole monument to an unknown soldier. Imagine being that important! My mam also told me that the Romans hate this building and refer to it as “The Wedding Cake” (more on this later).
We went to a little museum at the Forum with various statues and pottery. I was amazed at the quality the statues had been kept in. We also wandered around the gardens before heading to the Colosseum. Inside the Colosseum you really can imagine what it must have been like in the days of gladiators fighting tigers and bears. I imagine the atmosphere would be like that in a football stadium today.
Next we walked down the main road, seeing more Dumos and statues, including one of Caesar. I took so many pictures on that first day, as I just loved how many beautiful buildings we came across. We were also lucky that the weather was warm and sunny.
We headed towards the Wedding Cake and you can see why it’s called this. It has many staircases and tiers, each adorned with statues. Next we walked to the Trevvi Fountain. Although places look far apart on the map, they are in fact in close distance to each other and I really recommend walking to places. Firstly you see more of Rome and you pick up the atmosphere. Drivers are crazy in Rome though and being shy about crossing the road won’t get you anywhere. As the famous saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”, you really do need to copy the Romans and just brave crossing the road, in order for the cars to stop for you!
The Trevvi Fountain again is an amazing piece of architecture. There are statues within the actual fountain as well as on the building behind. I managed to get right next to the Fountain, in order to throw my three coins over my shoulder. For some reason, this is what you do in Rome to make sure you come back again.
Next we walked to the Spanish Steps, that really is just a grand staircase but where everybody, including young Italians hang out.
Tip: stay at the Trevvi for some ice cream, it’s amazing! I had one every day.
Our next day consisted of a trip to Villa Borghese. This is in the grounds of the Medusa family and is full of incredible marble statues. Artists were so talented then, I honestly have no idea how they created such masterpieces. My Mam’s favourite is Apollo and Daphne and it’s not hard to fall in love with it yourself. The legend is that Daphne was running away from Apollo whom she had no feelings for. In order to escape him, she asked her father to turn her into a tree. The statue is of the beginning of the transformation – Daphne’s fingers are turning into branches and her stomach is already made of bark.
We wandered round the grounds, heading towards Pizza del Popolo. Again this had three huge fountains and statues. Next we headed to the Pantheon, which unfortunately was half in scaffolding. You still see the impact it has and inside it is completely unique, with the opening in the roof for when it rains. The raindrops are said to look like glitter but it never rained heavily enough for us to witness this.
We stopped at my father’s favourite coffee shop, which was an experience in itself. Italians don’t linger over their coffee; you stand at the bar and drink it.
I also got a chance to go shopping this day, although not to the designer shops I saw near the Spanish Steps! I loved seeing different shops, as although an avid shopper, I do hate seeing the same things all the time.
I was sad that it soon became our last day but what a day! Arriving at the Vatican, we heard people cheering and I said to my Mam, “The Pope’s here.” She told me not to be ridiculous but I was proven to be right! We managed to get seats in the second section and out he came in his Pope mobile to greet everyone! Although we are not religious, it was an experience we’d never have again so we stayed for the full service, which was read in Italian, English, French, Spanish, German and Polish. In a way it was like being at a concert. Each archbishop called out names of groups that were there and the people would stand up and cheer! There was even a German band and some Spanish girls who kept jumping up, shouting out “Il papa!” every five seconds. It was a surreal experience.
Next we wandered past the Castle and on to Piazza del Novio, once again with spectacular buildings, fountains and statues. We went to look for a restaurant, as I desperately wanted to sit outside, having lunch, as so many other people were doing. It just looked so relaxed. Just wandering through the back streets offered lovely sights and concreted my desire to live in Rome.
I was very sad to leave, especially having to return to South Shields. People in Italy are so fashionable and interesting, even the teenagers. Men waltz around in suits, not trackie bottoms like in England. Sigh, one day I will make it out of this country!
Another positive aspect of Rome is the compliments. If you need an ego boost, go there! Men appreciate women there; there are no dodgy chat-up lines. Plus having blonde hair and fair skin, I was part of the minority there. I was constantly told I was “bella” and even my Mam was called “bella mama” by the maitre d’ in the restaurant we went to every night! My mam noticed it more than me though, as I was oblivious in my own little world. She once saw a boy drag his father backwards by his coat to have a look at me! Another time, I was walking and realised she wasn’t with me. Turning back, she was talking to this man who I later found out was congratulating her on having a beautiful daughter!
My favourite bit though was our last night at the restaurant. A group of teenagers were in having a meal and two of the boys had bought roses. I’d commented to my Mam that I wondered which of the girls was going to be lucky to receive them. In fact, I was the lucky girl! It happened so quickly I didn’t get a chance to do anything but say “Grazie!” One of the boys came over with a rose, saying in Italian that it was for me because he thought I was beautiful. He returned once more to give me his friend’s rose and blew me a kiss! The whole restaurant was looking at me and outside the girls had gathered and were clapping and waving at me! The mother was crying and at first I thought it was because she didn’t get one but no she was just overwhelmed that they’d had the courage to do something so lovely and not want anything out of it. The whole experience has put me off British men even more so now!
So for now, Ciao! But soon I will make it to Rome – just as soon as I learn some Italian first!
Fashion editor in Rome
So having a rather generous mother, I jetted off to Rome, Italy on Sunday. A well earned break after juggling two jobs, my masters, a part time social life and the roles of fashion editor, feature editor and secretary!
As well as seeing all the fabulous architecture, I also had an insight into Italian fashion. Both women and men are so stylish, even the teenagers. Men walk around in suits and they look good in them. Even those who work in restaurants and coffee shops are smart. The women are effortlessly chic, with smartly cut dresses and blazers.
It depressed me to come home to England. Home to men who think wearing a football shirt and tracksuits is acceptable. Home to women who constantly wear leggings or jeggings.
I loved seeing different clothes stores, instead of the same, old high-street chains. I loved seeing all the designer stores and how nobody is afraid to be fashionable.
Of course, it helps that it is sunny in Rome and exceptionally pretty. I enjoyed wandering the back streets, sitting on the Spanish Steps, having an ice cream at Trevvi Fountain. I liked imagining the gladiators at the collesuem, walking in the Forum and around Villa Borghese. My mother and I also managed to be part of a service at the Vatican with the Pope!
This trip also did wonders for my self-esteem. Italian men appreciate females. They compliment you. Two men even congratulated my Mam on her beautiful daughter! And one evening in a restaurant, two teenage boys bought me a rose each just because they thought I was beautiful! This would never happen in England. As someone with little confidence, I’ve had a big boost and am ready to concentrate on my masters and small change and leave my claustrophobic home town behind!
As well as seeing all the fabulous architecture, I also had an insight into Italian fashion. Both women and men are so stylish, even the teenagers. Men walk around in suits and they look good in them. Even those who work in restaurants and coffee shops are smart. The women are effortlessly chic, with smartly cut dresses and blazers.
It depressed me to come home to England. Home to men who think wearing a football shirt and tracksuits is acceptable. Home to women who constantly wear leggings or jeggings.
I loved seeing different clothes stores, instead of the same, old high-street chains. I loved seeing all the designer stores and how nobody is afraid to be fashionable.
Of course, it helps that it is sunny in Rome and exceptionally pretty. I enjoyed wandering the back streets, sitting on the Spanish Steps, having an ice cream at Trevvi Fountain. I liked imagining the gladiators at the collesuem, walking in the Forum and around Villa Borghese. My mother and I also managed to be part of a service at the Vatican with the Pope!
This trip also did wonders for my self-esteem. Italian men appreciate females. They compliment you. Two men even congratulated my Mam on her beautiful daughter! And one evening in a restaurant, two teenage boys bought me a rose each just because they thought I was beautiful! This would never happen in England. As someone with little confidence, I’ve had a big boost and am ready to concentrate on my masters and small change and leave my claustrophobic home town behind!
Sunday 14 March 2010
Fitting In
Not once in my 23 years have I ever felt like I fit in anywhere. Not at school, not at university, not in any of my jobs, not in my family and not with my friends.
In junior school, I didn’t fit in because my Mam stuffed me in frilly dresses until I was 11 whilst everyone else was wearing trackies. This resulted in me being picked on, and then retaliating by refusing to wear dresses again until I was fifteen.
In senior school, I didn’t fit in because I didn’t get pocket money so I couldn’t buy clothes that everybody else had set as the trend.
I never fitted in because I had older parents than everyone else. Once somebody thought they were my grandparents! I am not ashamed of having older parents; it was one more factor that made me different.
In college, I became an outcast because of my anorexia, First year; I curled into myself for protection. I was quiet, a shadow of my former self. I was snappy and moody, obsessed with my eating disorder, unaware of anything happening around me. Second year, I was a prisoner in my own home, only allowed out for ‘good behaviour’ and a few college lessons. I was the girl known as anorexic Rachel.
In University, I didn’t fit in as I was attempting to find the real Rachel again. Who I was, what my dreams were, whether or not I wanted to let go of anorexia, my safety blanket. I spent the first two years avoiding being around people at lunch time. I didn’t lead a party lifestyle, I was too weak and I didn’t know how to interact with people my own age.
In my first bar job, I didn’t fit in because I hadn’t been around people my own age for too long. I’d never had a boyfriend; I couldn’t drive; I hadn’t been on a wild night out since I was 16.
Yet this job was my entry back into a young person’s life. I made more friends, I went out after work, I started attracting and being attracted to boys, I had a boyfriend, I passed my driving test.
However I still feel different to other people my age, even now. I’ve been through more traumatic events than the vast majority as well as experiences I never would have had, if I’d never been anorexic. I have conquered the illness that wanted me dead; I have battled to get treatment; I have had far too many blood tests; I have had to reveal personal thoughts to more people than I dare count. I have had doctors stare at me as if I’m insane; I have had people doubt my ability and state that I am going to fail college. I have had people shout out about my illness in the middle of a night club; I have witnessed my half sister and cousin being too scared to talk to me. I could go on and on. All these events account for my personality but they are also the reasons why I stand out.
My positive experiences from anorexia are something else that makes me different as none of my friends have done anything like them before. I have met my local MP; I have given presentations at the House of Commons, to professionals and to the youth parliament. I have been on the radio; I have been in magazines and newspapers. I recently appeared on the front page of my local paper. I have travelled to New Zealand twice on my own; I have met truly wonderful people who have also been anorexic. I have grown closer to my Mam; I am more aware of other people and their own emotions; I have been involved in re-vamping a national charity; I have been in a media summit. Again my list is endless. Again people can’t relate to it. Although I am no longer ill, anorexia will always be a part of my identity because it made me the person I am today.
I am unlike a lot of my peers in other ways too. I am a doer and a perfectionist. I don’t stay in bed all day; I don’t watch TV all the time (in fact I don’t even have a TV in my room!); I don’t want a boyfriend; I don’t want to go on a rave holiday. I like walks in the countryside, sketching, getting lost in a book, making scrap books, collecting foreign magazines, learning languages, day dreaming, being with my family and writing my diary. I like making cards for people or writing them random notes and letters to let them know I care. Yes, I like doing what other 23 year olds do – going out clubbing, getting drunk, going to the cinema, shopping, make-up, flirting, going on dates and being admired. There’s just more to me than that.
What it has taken me a long time to accept, is that it is okay to be different. I would rather be me, than be a clone of somebody else. I’d rather know that there is only one Rachel Lauren Cowey and there never will be anyone else quite like me. That’s something to be proud of. I am not going to be ashamed of myself anymore nor will I apologise for the person I am.
In junior school, I didn’t fit in because my Mam stuffed me in frilly dresses until I was 11 whilst everyone else was wearing trackies. This resulted in me being picked on, and then retaliating by refusing to wear dresses again until I was fifteen.
In senior school, I didn’t fit in because I didn’t get pocket money so I couldn’t buy clothes that everybody else had set as the trend.
I never fitted in because I had older parents than everyone else. Once somebody thought they were my grandparents! I am not ashamed of having older parents; it was one more factor that made me different.
In college, I became an outcast because of my anorexia, First year; I curled into myself for protection. I was quiet, a shadow of my former self. I was snappy and moody, obsessed with my eating disorder, unaware of anything happening around me. Second year, I was a prisoner in my own home, only allowed out for ‘good behaviour’ and a few college lessons. I was the girl known as anorexic Rachel.
In University, I didn’t fit in as I was attempting to find the real Rachel again. Who I was, what my dreams were, whether or not I wanted to let go of anorexia, my safety blanket. I spent the first two years avoiding being around people at lunch time. I didn’t lead a party lifestyle, I was too weak and I didn’t know how to interact with people my own age.
In my first bar job, I didn’t fit in because I hadn’t been around people my own age for too long. I’d never had a boyfriend; I couldn’t drive; I hadn’t been on a wild night out since I was 16.
Yet this job was my entry back into a young person’s life. I made more friends, I went out after work, I started attracting and being attracted to boys, I had a boyfriend, I passed my driving test.
However I still feel different to other people my age, even now. I’ve been through more traumatic events than the vast majority as well as experiences I never would have had, if I’d never been anorexic. I have conquered the illness that wanted me dead; I have battled to get treatment; I have had far too many blood tests; I have had to reveal personal thoughts to more people than I dare count. I have had doctors stare at me as if I’m insane; I have had people doubt my ability and state that I am going to fail college. I have had people shout out about my illness in the middle of a night club; I have witnessed my half sister and cousin being too scared to talk to me. I could go on and on. All these events account for my personality but they are also the reasons why I stand out.
My positive experiences from anorexia are something else that makes me different as none of my friends have done anything like them before. I have met my local MP; I have given presentations at the House of Commons, to professionals and to the youth parliament. I have been on the radio; I have been in magazines and newspapers. I recently appeared on the front page of my local paper. I have travelled to New Zealand twice on my own; I have met truly wonderful people who have also been anorexic. I have grown closer to my Mam; I am more aware of other people and their own emotions; I have been involved in re-vamping a national charity; I have been in a media summit. Again my list is endless. Again people can’t relate to it. Although I am no longer ill, anorexia will always be a part of my identity because it made me the person I am today.
I am unlike a lot of my peers in other ways too. I am a doer and a perfectionist. I don’t stay in bed all day; I don’t watch TV all the time (in fact I don’t even have a TV in my room!); I don’t want a boyfriend; I don’t want to go on a rave holiday. I like walks in the countryside, sketching, getting lost in a book, making scrap books, collecting foreign magazines, learning languages, day dreaming, being with my family and writing my diary. I like making cards for people or writing them random notes and letters to let them know I care. Yes, I like doing what other 23 year olds do – going out clubbing, getting drunk, going to the cinema, shopping, make-up, flirting, going on dates and being admired. There’s just more to me than that.
What it has taken me a long time to accept, is that it is okay to be different. I would rather be me, than be a clone of somebody else. I’d rather know that there is only one Rachel Lauren Cowey and there never will be anyone else quite like me. That’s something to be proud of. I am not going to be ashamed of myself anymore nor will I apologise for the person I am.
2010
After two years of not achieving much (except for my degree) and allowing someone to make me feel like I was worthless, I have decided to make 2010 one of the best years possible.
I felt like I had lost my creativity until I began my MA in Magazine Journalism last September and this year it really has come back with a vengeance. I have started sketching, I write my blog, I make collages and I’m creative with my own personal look. Combining my love of fashion and looking unique, I want to learn how to make my own clothes. My Mam is my inspiration. After years of hearing her complain that no one makes clothes for 60 year olds (unless you want to look like a granny!), I have persuaded her to buy a sewing machine. I want to meet the woman who made the first ever mini skirt to be worn in South Shields. The girl who made a suit with a beetle on it to portray her love of the Beatles.
One of my resolutions was to go on as many day trips and holidays as possible. I love travelling. I love seeing different cultures, learning some of the language, sight seeing, buying souvenirs (although mine aren’t typical; clothes and foreign magazines!) and pretending I’m not from England. One day I will travel the world but for now I’ll settle for a few mini trips. I’ve already been to London this year but I’m also going to Rome, Wimbledon and Skiathos, plus an unknown destination with my friend!
I’ve also dedicated time each month to do charity work. In January, I gave a presentation at a national conference in London as a Beat ambassador. For me, there’s nothing better than doctors coming to me to say they’ve learnt a lot from me. Someone also suggested I write a book of my experiences, which one day I will do! In February, I did a backwards walk to help raise money for a volunteering programme in the Dominican Republic. It’s an experience I’ll never forget. Walking the wrong way makes you very disorientated! I swear people driving past must have thought we were still drunk from the night before!
Also in February, I appeared twice on the radio and gave an interview to my local paper as Beat ambassador. Imagine my shock though when walking into my local Sainsbury I was greeted by my face on THE FRONT PAGE! I still haven’t quite gotten over it.
This month, I am doing a ten mile sponsored walk for St. Claire’s hospice. After that, I don’t know what to do next.
This year is about taking chances and making the most of my life as technically I should have died six years ago.
I felt like I had lost my creativity until I began my MA in Magazine Journalism last September and this year it really has come back with a vengeance. I have started sketching, I write my blog, I make collages and I’m creative with my own personal look. Combining my love of fashion and looking unique, I want to learn how to make my own clothes. My Mam is my inspiration. After years of hearing her complain that no one makes clothes for 60 year olds (unless you want to look like a granny!), I have persuaded her to buy a sewing machine. I want to meet the woman who made the first ever mini skirt to be worn in South Shields. The girl who made a suit with a beetle on it to portray her love of the Beatles.
One of my resolutions was to go on as many day trips and holidays as possible. I love travelling. I love seeing different cultures, learning some of the language, sight seeing, buying souvenirs (although mine aren’t typical; clothes and foreign magazines!) and pretending I’m not from England. One day I will travel the world but for now I’ll settle for a few mini trips. I’ve already been to London this year but I’m also going to Rome, Wimbledon and Skiathos, plus an unknown destination with my friend!
I’ve also dedicated time each month to do charity work. In January, I gave a presentation at a national conference in London as a Beat ambassador. For me, there’s nothing better than doctors coming to me to say they’ve learnt a lot from me. Someone also suggested I write a book of my experiences, which one day I will do! In February, I did a backwards walk to help raise money for a volunteering programme in the Dominican Republic. It’s an experience I’ll never forget. Walking the wrong way makes you very disorientated! I swear people driving past must have thought we were still drunk from the night before!
Also in February, I appeared twice on the radio and gave an interview to my local paper as Beat ambassador. Imagine my shock though when walking into my local Sainsbury I was greeted by my face on THE FRONT PAGE! I still haven’t quite gotten over it.
This month, I am doing a ten mile sponsored walk for St. Claire’s hospice. After that, I don’t know what to do next.
This year is about taking chances and making the most of my life as technically I should have died six years ago.
Monday 15 February 2010
Planning our lives – my dreams
1. Gap year
2. Live in France
3. Be an editor of a magazine
4. Swim with dolphins
5. Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef
6. Be happy
7. Have two kids
8. Be an author
9. Appeal for eating disorders
10. Be in Love
11. Be a kind person
12. Obtain a degree
I wrote this list in 2006 and surprisingly I have actually fulfilled some of them.
a) I lived in France for five months in 2007 as part of my university degree in languages.
b) I swam with dolphins in 2007 in New Zealand; it was amazing and I want to do it again.
c) I fell in love for the first time in 2007 and the second time late-2008. Both times have been special and indescribable; yet the second was more powerful as I’m finding it increasingly hard now to fall out of love.
d) I think I’m a kind person – I’m always there to listen to my friends; I do charity work and I help my family.
e) I obtained my degree in 2009 in French and German. I didn’t get the grade I wanted but it still is an achievement to me.
My blog is about the article I wrote to accompany my list:
Why do we spend so much time predicting our future? Is it because we’re desperately searching for something more than the life we actually have? I guess we’re worried for the future – what will become of us?
I still daydream about mine yet I should know that you can not plan. I mean so far my anorexia has set me back three years. I stopped experiencing things at 16. I’ve missed out on so much and lost some of my dreams. I won’t dwell on them as one thing I have learnt from this illness is not to be so hung up on the past. I can’t change it. Instead I’ve made more dreams and maybe this was the way my life was supposed to be. I am more knowledgeable and mature due to my eating disorder. Plus by being an ambassador, I’ve participated in events other people my age would never do – speak at national conferences, been hob-knobbing in the House of Commons with MPs, done radio, newspaper and magazine interviews…. Ironically my eating disorder has helped me to gain confidence and self-respect. Also I’m healthier than I’ve ever been! I’ve made some fab supportive friends too.
What I’m trying to say is yes, it’s good to have ambition but don’t try to structure your future – anything could happen. Just learn from your experiences, mistakes and make some thing positive out of it.
These past three years have been the worst so far but now I’m helping people and learning to like myself again.
2. Live in France
3. Be an editor of a magazine
4. Swim with dolphins
5. Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef
6. Be happy
7. Have two kids
8. Be an author
9. Appeal for eating disorders
10. Be in Love
11. Be a kind person
12. Obtain a degree
I wrote this list in 2006 and surprisingly I have actually fulfilled some of them.
a) I lived in France for five months in 2007 as part of my university degree in languages.
b) I swam with dolphins in 2007 in New Zealand; it was amazing and I want to do it again.
c) I fell in love for the first time in 2007 and the second time late-2008. Both times have been special and indescribable; yet the second was more powerful as I’m finding it increasingly hard now to fall out of love.
d) I think I’m a kind person – I’m always there to listen to my friends; I do charity work and I help my family.
e) I obtained my degree in 2009 in French and German. I didn’t get the grade I wanted but it still is an achievement to me.
My blog is about the article I wrote to accompany my list:
Why do we spend so much time predicting our future? Is it because we’re desperately searching for something more than the life we actually have? I guess we’re worried for the future – what will become of us?
I still daydream about mine yet I should know that you can not plan. I mean so far my anorexia has set me back three years. I stopped experiencing things at 16. I’ve missed out on so much and lost some of my dreams. I won’t dwell on them as one thing I have learnt from this illness is not to be so hung up on the past. I can’t change it. Instead I’ve made more dreams and maybe this was the way my life was supposed to be. I am more knowledgeable and mature due to my eating disorder. Plus by being an ambassador, I’ve participated in events other people my age would never do – speak at national conferences, been hob-knobbing in the House of Commons with MPs, done radio, newspaper and magazine interviews…. Ironically my eating disorder has helped me to gain confidence and self-respect. Also I’m healthier than I’ve ever been! I’ve made some fab supportive friends too.
What I’m trying to say is yes, it’s good to have ambition but don’t try to structure your future – anything could happen. Just learn from your experiences, mistakes and make some thing positive out of it.
These past three years have been the worst so far but now I’m helping people and learning to like myself again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
